I don't want to be disrespectful, but I've noticed that females appear to be much more likely to concentrate on others and men in general more likely to 'not give a hoot' about others. Perhaps it has to do with being or being able to be a mother. Too much in either direction is unhealthy.
Somewhere in the middle, for instance not caring at all about the decision of some other person concerning a personal matter, while providing advice or support for someone seeking it, is probably the right place to be.
Finding that middle ground is my goal. I'm still working on it.
Hey James! Firstly I just wanted to say that I find you leave comments in a way that always sounds balanced and respectful. And secondly, again I also find your point to be true in my life. My male friends and husband definitely give the impression of caring less than the female ones (though not all the time). 😅 A middle ground is definitely favourable and I think most of us are probably always striving to be closer to the middle, than whichever side we were on!
Your path through the maze just can’t be compared to other peoples.
Maybe a different boat, but it’s the same ocean.
One of the things that help me not compare was the aphorism : don’t compare your behind the scenes with other people‘s highlight reel. And then I dug a little deeper with that thought. I may admire someone else’s ability to pursue writing full-time because of their parents money… But maybe their parents are hypocritical and controlling of what they do. Or maybe they have health issues. Or maybe they don’t have the loving partner that you have. Or someone to share that with that means a lot to them. Or maybe they’re embroiled in an unrealistic and relentless path of achievement and competition with others, that steals the joy from their writing.
I thought those things through enough that I just don’t envy other writers anymore. I’m happy with my path through my own labyrinth.
And while it might sound like that’s easy for me to say as a professional writer, it wasn’t always so. It took a long time. ☺️
That also reminds me of the saying that someone always has it worse, and someone always has it better… which I take to pretty much just be: it’s all relative. We’re all going through our own stuff!
Thanks for your comment and thoughts as per, Leo ☺️
Thank you for this honest post. I can so relate to it. I suffer from the same. But like you I’m working on it. I need to think about my own stuff not someone else’s.
This is so real. It’s so hard to avoid the comparison trap! I, too, hold myself to a high standard, so this last 8 months or so (I was laid off in December, so almost twinsies 😅) have torn me down and rebuilt me. It’s been a soul searching time for sure, and I’m trying not to compare my chapter 1 to others’ chapter 100!
I think that you're a good writer. It's brave to be honest about the comparison games that you played. I like the saying about comparing chapters. I have no bad feelings toward people with more Substack readers than me. I just started writing and other people have been practicing for decades, or they're good at marketing. I'm happy just to be improving at my own pace.
I've heard a lot of women say that when you reach your forties you stop giving a hoot. I'm in my late forties and can confidently say that is true.
Inspirational 😅
I’m genuinely looking forward to this.
I'm late to the first like! But just in time for the first comment!!!
Hahaha I actually think someone got in there before us both for once!! But thank you for the first comment!
I'm just grateful! Being here and being able to read your words is a gift
I don't want to be disrespectful, but I've noticed that females appear to be much more likely to concentrate on others and men in general more likely to 'not give a hoot' about others. Perhaps it has to do with being or being able to be a mother. Too much in either direction is unhealthy.
Somewhere in the middle, for instance not caring at all about the decision of some other person concerning a personal matter, while providing advice or support for someone seeking it, is probably the right place to be.
Finding that middle ground is my goal. I'm still working on it.
Hey James! Firstly I just wanted to say that I find you leave comments in a way that always sounds balanced and respectful. And secondly, again I also find your point to be true in my life. My male friends and husband definitely give the impression of caring less than the female ones (though not all the time). 😅 A middle ground is definitely favourable and I think most of us are probably always striving to be closer to the middle, than whichever side we were on!
You *are* good enough!
Your path through the maze just can’t be compared to other peoples.
Maybe a different boat, but it’s the same ocean.
One of the things that help me not compare was the aphorism : don’t compare your behind the scenes with other people‘s highlight reel. And then I dug a little deeper with that thought. I may admire someone else’s ability to pursue writing full-time because of their parents money… But maybe their parents are hypocritical and controlling of what they do. Or maybe they have health issues. Or maybe they don’t have the loving partner that you have. Or someone to share that with that means a lot to them. Or maybe they’re embroiled in an unrealistic and relentless path of achievement and competition with others, that steals the joy from their writing.
I thought those things through enough that I just don’t envy other writers anymore. I’m happy with my path through my own labyrinth.
And while it might sound like that’s easy for me to say as a professional writer, it wasn’t always so. It took a long time. ☺️
That also reminds me of the saying that someone always has it worse, and someone always has it better… which I take to pretty much just be: it’s all relative. We’re all going through our own stuff!
Thanks for your comment and thoughts as per, Leo ☺️
Thank you for this honest post. I can so relate to it. I suffer from the same. But like you I’m working on it. I need to think about my own stuff not someone else’s.
So glad liked it, Cerina! Sounds like we're in the same boat.
This is so real. It’s so hard to avoid the comparison trap! I, too, hold myself to a high standard, so this last 8 months or so (I was laid off in December, so almost twinsies 😅) have torn me down and rebuilt me. It’s been a soul searching time for sure, and I’m trying not to compare my chapter 1 to others’ chapter 100!
Yes, I love saying to myself as others collapse in chaos, whatever is true for them isn't true for me - so anchoring! x
I think that you're a good writer. It's brave to be honest about the comparison games that you played. I like the saying about comparing chapters. I have no bad feelings toward people with more Substack readers than me. I just started writing and other people have been practicing for decades, or they're good at marketing. I'm happy just to be improving at my own pace.
Thanks so much, Daniela! You have a great attitude :)
I am sure restacking this post so I could come back to it often 🌻
Love this Khaoula, and glad you found it helpful!
Don't mind me,
I just stopped bye to say Thank You for the story.
I'll just be over here in the corner.
Waiting for the writers block to dissipate. :)
You’re welcome! Good luck with the writers block, always a tough one! 😬😊
I love this, Imogen, it’s so inspiring. The comparison trap is so real and permeates everything. But no one is you—that’s your real power.