I lost my job, but I think I might be finding myself

Redundancy Diaries #1: Freedom, Fear & the Big What Now

---

Photo by Aurora Fox on Unsplash

After a long stretch of spiralling, panicking, and Googling “Am I even employable anymore?”, something unexpected started to happen: I began to discover parts of myself I hadn’t met in years. No, really.

I’ve had days where I have absolutely no idea who I am without a job.
And days where I feel clearer than ever about who I am because I don’t have one.
Some days I’m thriving. Some days I’ve been curled up back in bed by 11am. Balance, baby.

Oh—and just to be clear—I still have no idea what I’m doing with my life. As I write this, I have no income stream, no five-year plan, and only a vague sense of what day it is.
But somehow, I feel… weirdly wonderful?

This is a documentation of the strange, emotional, sometimes quietly brilliant in-between space that opens up when you suddenly find yourself at home. All day. Every day. With no Slack pings, no 1:1s, no deadlines, and no idea what’s next.

Welcome to the Redundancy Diaries—part therapy, part chaos log, part very public overshare. Each post will explore a different chapter of this unexpected sabbatical-slash-identity-crisis-slash-growth-period.

---

What Am I Talking About in This Series?

1. The Rollercoaster of Redundancy: Between Freedom & Fear
That feeling of “did this actually just happen” and “what on Earth do I do now”, and dealing with the contradiction between a beautiful sense of freedom, and the rising panic of “I do actually need to earn money though”.

2. The Identity Crisis of a Strategist Without a Strategy
When you lose your title, team, and tasks — who are you now?

3. Six Months In — What’s Surprised Me Most
What redundancy actually feels like vs. what I expected

4. Learning to Stop Caring What People Think
Letting go of external validation and people-pleasing post-redundancy

5. The Myth of the Perfect New Career Path
Why “figuring it all out” is a trap — and what actually matters now

6. Loneliness, Lost Routines, and the Weird Grief of Work Friendships
A reflective piece on the social side of redundancy

7. Slower Days, Deeper Growth
What I’ve discovered about myself in the quiet — even the uncomfortable bits

8. What I’m Taking Forward (Whenever the Next Chapter Starts)
A look at who you’ve become and what’s next — even if “what’s next” isn’t clear yet)

And today’s topic?

The Rollercoaster of Redundancy: Between Freedom & Fear

The Immediate Shock

My first thought? “Woohoo! I’m free!”
My second thought? “Wait… what just happened?”

It was just… odd. Odd not speaking to my colleagues. Odd not having a purpose. Odd having nowhere to be. I didn’t have anyone to have coffee with.

For context, I was going into the office three days a week, working full-time. Then suddenly, I wasn’t.

Thoughts that went through my head:

• “Er… should I be updating my CV? Or can I have an afternoon nap?”

• “Why is no one replying to my messages… oh. Right. They still have jobs.”

• “Shame I’ll never know how that project worked out.”

• “Thank the Lord I’ll never know how that project worked out.”

---

The Identity Crisis of a Strategist Without a Strategy

I always told myself my identity wasn’t tied to work.
But the second I lost my job, I realised… it kind of was.

One minute, I had structure, direction, and a professional title. The next, I was just… me.
No meetings. No deadlines. No team. Just me, myself, and I.

At first, it felt like an opportunity. But soon came the creeping uncertainty—Who even am I without my job?

It didn’t help that people kept asking “So what do you do?”
Neighbours. Friends of friends. Random people on holiday.
And I’d blurt out: “I work in marketing,” which was a lie on two fronts:
a) I didn’t have a job.
b) I never technically worked in marketing (hi, UX strategy).

---

The Sudden Loss of Social Interaction

The hardest part wasn’t just losing the job — it was losing my work friends.

I went from morning coffees, lunch breaks, and shared eye-rolls in meetings to… silence.
In those first few weeks, I clung to my closest work friend like a lifeboat. I messaged constantly. I suggested meetups. I was probably a little intense.

But the sudden lack of contact was disorienting. And if I’m honest—scary.

Scared our friendship wouldn’t last.
Scared that without shared Teams threads and coffee runs, I’d be forgotten.
Scared that the effort I’d put into work relationships would just vanish.

It’s taken me a while to accept that most work friendships don’t survive leaving your job—even the great ones. And that’s… okay. Sad. But okay.

---

The Absence of Routine

To everyone who is self-employed — kudos. Managing yourself is harder than it looks.

I’m someone who thrives on achievement, structure, and purpose. And suddenly, my days had none of that.

I still woke up at 7am with my alarm… and then just lay there. Because without a job to get up for, the motivation quietly exited the building.

What did I actually want to do with my days?
How do you prioritise a massive list of hobbies?

My husband kept telling me to “pick a focus”. I just couldn’t. I wanted to do everything and nothing.

---

The Unexpected Paralysis of Free Time

In those first weeks, I thought: This is it! I’ll read. I’ll write. I’ll make art. I’ll live my best creative life.

Reader—I did none of that.

Even reading felt like work. Trashy novels. Sun-lounger reads. Pure escapism. It didn’t matter. I was in recovery mode. Too much free time made me freeze. My giant “joy list” overwhelmed me.

Eventually, I took my therapist’s advice: Stop trying to be productive. Let yourself heal.

---

Knowing What To Say To People

Oh the questions I had!

It was a really interesting mixture of “congratulations! You have so much spare time!”, and “oh, I am so sorry”, when I lost my job.

Some people asked me if I’d “had any luck job hunting” in week two.

Others insisted that I “lie on the sofa and watch movies all day”.

Some suggested I needed to “heal”.

Others asked if I’d “reached out to any recruiters”.

I felt awkward when people asked me how I was, or what I was up to. I found myself saying so many random things, like that I’d spent a day responding to voicenotes, or doing a writing course, or learning the piano.

I felt almost guilty that they were at work and I wasn’t, but equally obliged to say how “positive” I was feeling, for fear of coming across as negative and searching for sympathy.

I felt like I needed to prove that I was using my time well, that I wasn’t just slouching around.

I realise now that I didn’t need to worry about that. Redundancy is a universally challenging thing. No one wants it. Everyone knows the emotional turmoil it can take. Nobody really wants to be in your shoes.

---

Running Away Felt Like A Good Idea

Six weeks after I lost my job, I ran away.
To be fair, four of those weeks were already booked—a once-in-a-lifetime trip to New Zealand. But I added two weeks in Australia, because… why not?

It was the perfect escape.
No LinkedIn. No recruiters. No CV updates. Just mountains, wine tours, and white-water rafting.

It was both great and awful timing.

Awful because it put my job hunt on pause for 2 months, which meant more panic when I was back.

Great because it was exactly what I needed and probably wouldn’t have given myself had it not already been in the diary — a break.

Sometimes, avoidance is good. Running away for a while is good. I’m all for facing your fears, but we need to know when our mind and body have had enough, and when it needs to rest.

In my case, this rest took the form of bungy jumping, white water rafting, and a lot of wine tours.

---

A Final Note

The tension between “do something with your time!” and “just rest and heal!” is real.
I’m still figuring it out.

But if redundancy has taught me anything so far, it’s this:

You don’t need to know exactly what’s next.
You just need to keep showing up for yourself, in whatever way you can.

---

Next up: 2. The Identity Crisis of a Strategist Without a Strategy
When you lose your title, team, and tasks — who are you now? The realisation that despite desperately trying not to make my job my identity, it was a big part of my identity and without it, I didn’t actually know who I was.

Love from,

Imi